


A Necklace for Her, But Not for Me

by rosettahart



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Bullying, Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosettahart/pseuds/rosettahart
Summary: Virgil, a closeted trans boy, has been begging the universe to wait to introduce him to his soulmates. Unfortunately, fate has different plans.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria.

Virgil pulled down on the hem of his stupidly short, high waisted, pink ruffled and flower patterned skirt. He hated every little detail of his outfit. There was that awful skirt; the big gold wire-framed glasses; and the white tank top, tied up in a way that made him even more painfully aware of his body's curves. 'Life Is Beautiful' was printed on the front in pink curly letters. To top it off, he was stuck wearing pastel pink wedges that made him stand a little over 5'9, and he did not enjoy being taller because it just made him that much easier to spot in a crowd. The only thing Virgil _didn't_ hate about his outfit was his necklace. The necklace that would one day help him find his soulmates.

At the age of twelve, everyone is given a necklace specifically designed for them that glows whenever their soulmate is near. At the first meeting between soulmates, the necklaces give off a bright flash of light in celebration of the two (or more) fated people finding each other. Virgil's necklace was a black, woven wire ball. Trapped inside of it was a small purple orb with little room to move around. A prison it could seemingly never escape, much like Virgil’s body. There was just nothing he could currently do to change that. Not while he was still in the closet, and he wasn't coming out to his mother anytime soon. He couldn’t. She would freak out over it another thing she had lost control of.

Virgil's mother needed to be able to control almost all aspects of her life, especially after she couldn't get his father to stay. He didn't know how his mother would take to her ‘little girl' not _being_ a girl. So now Virgil is almost sixteen years old and he's still letting his mother dress him up all pretty and signing him up for the emotionally scarring and dysphoria-inducing beauty pageants. 

Virgil sighed, tugging on his skirt and untying the knot in the tank top, trying to ignore everyone’s eyes. His mother had gone into a shop and left him to wander around by himself. He checked his phone for any messages from his mom about meeting back up when someone grabbed his arm from behind. He swiftly turned around, pulling his arm away. _Who-_ Virgil blinked a couple times, taking in the stranger in front of him. His red hair, blinding smile, green eyes, his- _His glowing red necklace…_

Virgil glanced down at his own, cursing under his breath at the purple glow. _Why now? Why looking like this? Why couldn't fate have waited until he looked more like himself?_ He looked back up at the other teenager. _What if he wasn't what his soulmate was expecting? What would he think about him if he knew? What if he ended up hating Virgil for misleading him with his appearance?_

"It's wonderful to finally be meeting you. I am Roman, a prince here to rescue you from your troubles." The teen introduced himself, caringly taking Virgil's hand and placing a gentle kiss upon it with a grin.

Virgil didn't make any eye contact, tensing at the touch. He wasn't sure what to do. He could feel himself growing anxious, searching for a way out of the situation. He swiftly turned around and rushed in the other direction, growling in frustration over his stupid shoes slowing him down and quickly kicking them off.

"Wait!" Roman called after him, grabbing the shoes as he reached them before rushing after Virgil to try and catch up. "Come back!"

Virgil turned a corner, speeding up. If he wanted any chance of getting away he would have to get far enough for the orb to stop glowing. Glancing back in the direction he took off from, he noted that he had a fair enough distance on the other. He watched his necklace as he made another turn and then another one after that. He slowed down after a minute of the glow fading out, not taking his eyes off the purple orb until he was safe at home. There was no way he was ever going to chance going back to that mall again. He hoped the guy was only visiting the city for the summer.

~Two months later~

Virgil studied his outfit in the mirror, running a hand through his short hair and smiling at the difference the binder and baggy clothes made. It wasn't perfect, but it was definitely more comfortable than what his mom made him wear. With Remy living only a few houses down, he didn't have to worry about sneaking into the school early to get changed. He could just walk over, get dressed and catch a ride in with him. He tucked and untucked his purple hair behind his ear, glancing at the door. He wasn't quite ready for this but he couldn't back out now. He'd been doing his best to train his voice, but it'd never be perfect without outside help. Virgil gave one more look at himself in the mirror, starting to doubt this was going to work. He pulled his headphones and hood on, exiting the restroom. 

He kept his head down as he moved through the hallway, doing his best to avoid bumping into anyone. It didn't look like everyone else was doing the same. He tensed as someone shouldered him.

"Sorry, man!" The guy apologized quickly before continuing on.

 _Man._ Virgil's lip twitched upwards a bit at the word, watching as the guy continued on. He could do this. He froze as he noticed someone. There, at the end of the hallway, was Roman. 

Virgil diverted his eyes before he could be caught staring at the redhead and turned to hide around the corner. He checked his necklace, using his hands to shield it from everyone but himself and revealing a faint glow. He cursed. _Why did they have to go to the same school?_ _What was he going to say when they inevitably bumped into each other? What was he going to do?_ His eyes widened as the glow started getting brighter. He backed up, twirling around and tucking his necklace into his shirt. _Maybe Roman hadn't noticed the glow of his own yet._ He still needed to get as far away as he could. He quickly moved down the hallway, glancing behind him every few seconds to see if Roman was coming closer.

The teens eyes were searching the hallway when he turned the corner, his hands holding his necklace.

Virgil quickened his pace, accidentally colliding with someone and somehow managing to catch the smaller boy before he could hit the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Kiddo!" The boy looked up at Virgil. "Are you okay? I can be clumsy at times." He chuckled.

Virgil nodded, blinking at the cute stranger wordlessly for a minute.

"I'm Patton." The freckled teen introduced himself.

"Virgil." Virgil mumbled in return, his eyes being drawn down to Patton's glowing bright blue necklace, reminding him of what he was supposed to be doing.

"You!"

Virgil tensed as Roman stopped beside the two, shrinking away into his hoodie.

"Your necklace." Roman reached out a hand as Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, expecting him to ask him to take his out or do it himself.

"Oh, right!" Patton glanced down at his necklace and then to Roman's smiling brightly at him and meeting his eyes with his own. "We're soulmates!" He bounced up and down, pulling Roman into a tight hug.

Virgil opened his eyes in surprise. _Another soulmate?_ He took a few steps backwards, watching Roman spin a giggling Patton around. _But it made sense…_ Their necklaces hadn't given off the bright flash they were supposed to the first time they met, but it hadn't just now either. _Did that mean they still had another one?_ He shook his head. He had to get away before Roman acknowledged him being there. He took a moment to watch the two, glad that Roman and Patton could meet each other. At least Roman had someone to fill his place. Patton seemed like a good guy, too. Virgil just needed more time, and he was ready to fight the universe for as much as he'd need.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dysphoria

Virgil sighed, stabbing his slice of cake boredly with his fork. His mother had dropped him off here when he wouldn't stop dragging his feet everywhere they went. He was hoping Remy would be working today, but it looked like he was out shopping with some of his other friends. So he was stuck here, scrolling mindlessly through Tumblr and tugging his skirt down from time to time. 

"Come here often?" Someone asked from beside him.

Virgil looked up, his eyes going wide. _Why'd he have to choose a booth?_ He glanced around frantically for a moment. But there was no way out except past him.

Roman moved to the side. "If you want to go I won't stop you." He assured quietly.

Virgil looked over at the door, tempted to at first but after glancing up at Roman he could feel the guilt in him winning. He shook his head softly.

"Do you mind if I take a seat?" Roman asked, sitting down across from him after Virgil shook his head again. He noted Virgil's plate. "I'm pretty sure the beast is slain and ready to be served up to the royal family." He smiled.

Virgil followed his gaze. "You think so?" He returned, his lips twitching upwards a little. 

"They will be very pleased with your offering." Roman chuckled.

"So… Princey, come here just for me or were you actually going to order something?" Virgil adjusted his skirt, feeling a little more calm about the situation.

Roman smirked. "If I had I would be kneeling down beside you, a shoe in hand ready to make sure it fits, Cinderella." He picked up a menu, more focused on Virgil than the options. 

Virgil grimaced at the reminder of what he'd done. "I didn't… Sorry I ran off like that." 

"It's alright. I did get a _little_ over excited at finally finding you." Roman chuckled awkwardly, ordering something and handing his menu to the waitress. He tapped his fingers against the table for a minute before remembering something. "Oh! I met our other soulmate! His name's Patton and he's legitimately the embodiment of a walking puffball." He laughed. "I have to introduce you two sometime."

Virgil nodded hesitantly. He wasn't sure he wanted to meet Patton like this. He seemed like a really nice guy, but just having Roman see him like this was uncomfortable.

"Here."

Virgil returned his attention up to Roman, glancing confusedly at the jacket he was holding up. "I'm not that cold…"

Roman rolled his eyes. "It's to tie around your waist. If you're really that uncomfortable in a short skirt you shouldn't be wearing them."

Virgil's hand hovered over the jacket. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I bet you'd look great in a pair of pants." Roman winked.

Virgil's face reddened slightly. "Not about that."

Roman bunched up his face for a moment in confusion. "About lending you my jacket? Of course. I was getting kind of hot in it anyway." He smirked, flexing his muscles.

Virgil accepted the jacket, tying it around himself as he pulled a face. "What are you doing?"

"These dragon slayers haven't had nearly enough time in the light today. I'm just letting them do their thing."

"Pfft. You call _those_ muscles?"

"Hey! I work hard to keep these up!" Roman defended with a pout.

Virgil laughed softly, covering his mouth with his hand. 

"Oh my- My little girl finally found her soulmate!" 

Virgil grimaced, turning to see his mother a few steps away from their table. He watched as she quickly moved over, extending a hand out to Roman.

He shook it gently. "Well I wouldn't say fi-" He muffled a grunt, glancing over to Virgil.

Virgil shook his head subtly, keeping his foot close just in case he'd have to stop Roman from saying anything else.

"I'm Roman and I'm guessing you're my Princess Buttercup's sister." Roman grinned.

Virgil's mother rolled her eyes. "I wish I actually looked that young. I hope my daughter hasn't been causing you too much trouble yet."

Roman chuckled. "Only just enough."

"Perfect." Virgil's mother turned her attention down to her pager as it beeped, she looked to Virgil and then Roman apologetically, pulling out her purse. "I've got to go, that's one of my patients." She laid a couple of dollars on the table, sliding them to Roman. "Go and enjoy yourselves tonight." She kissed Virgil's forehead, stepping away and waving her hand.

"But I couldn't, I should be-" Roman began to argue, holding up the money to try and give it back.

"No, tonight's on me. My daughter found her soulmate." Virgil's mother beamed excitedly, giving Virgil a thumbs up. "Have fun." 

Virgil groaned, burying his head in his arms at hearing the bell on the door ding as it opened and then closed. 

"Your mother is lovely, but I really can't use her money to pay for our date." Roman pushed it across the table to Virgil.

Virgil returned it to him. "If I bring all of it back my mother's going to complain about me letting you worry about costs of things or something like that." He muttered.

Roman sighed. "Fine, but I'm only accepting money from her this once."

"You're wrong there, Princey." 

Roman picked up his cup of coffee, taking off the lid to add some sugar and stir it in before getting up. "So do you wanna grab a drink for yourself before hitting the pier? I'm buying." 

"Tempting, but I'm good for now on the drink part." Virgil slid out of the booth so he could follow Roman.

"I see you decided on boots today instead of heels. Easier to run in?" Roman made sure to hold the door open for Virgil, staying close beside him as they walked.

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Because they're a lot more comfortable, not because I was expecting to bump into you today."

"So if I wanted to keep your heels to remember when we first met..?"

Virgil gave Roman a side eyed look. "As long as it's not because you actually have some kind of foot fetish."

Roman gawked. "Do I look like the type of person that would have a foot fetish?"

Virgil shrugged, fighting off a grin. "You never know just by looking at a person." 

Roman and Virgil laughed together after a moment. Virgil watched Roman out of the corner of his eye with a soft smile as they continued to walk. The two of them stopped for churros at some point while checking out different vendors at the pier and settling down on a bench. They kept up a light conversation, talking a bit about their childhoods and their different interests as well as a few shocking similar ones to gush over until it started to get dark.

"Hey do you want to see something amazing?" Roman asked, helping Virgil up off the bench and keeping hold of one of his hands as he started to lead him down to the end of the pier before he could answer.

"I'm sure you'd only show it to me anyway if I didn't, Princey." Virgil quipped, more amused than annoyed.

Roman stopped them by the railing around the pier, resting their hands on it. "This is my favorite thing about coming here at night."

Virgil glanced up at the stars above them and then down to the ocean below, unable to take his eyes away from the mesmerizing view in front of them. The dark blue rippling water shining in places with the light of the moon and stars reflecting off it. "Woah." 

Roman squeezed Virgil's hand to bring his attention back to him. "Almost as breathtaking as you."

Virgil opened his mouth, but nothing came out. _How was he even supposed to reply to that?_ He glanced down to Roman's lips. "It's hard to beat stars and waves, but I don't care that you can't quite match up to them." He mumbled.

Roman rested his hand on Virgil's cheek and in response Virgil pulled his soulmate's face closer to his own, leaning in so their lips met. And they're kissing and Virgil can't believe this is happening, but he doesn't care that this could just be a dream. But the moment comes crashing back down to reality as Roman's hands come down to rest on Virgil's hips.

Virgil jolted back away, wrapping his arms over where Roman's hands had been then changing them to be up over his chest to his arms just falling to his sides when that had only made things worse. He didn't want to rest his hands anywhere that would only make him more aware of his situation.

Roman's eyebrows knitted together in a mixture of confusion and worry. He reached out a hand to comfort him. "Are you alri-"

Virgil backed away a few steps before twisting around and bolting down the pier. He couldn't make out anything Roman was yelling after him. He wasn't able to focus on anything but the pounding thoughts in his head. _Liar. Liar, liar, liar. How could he do this to Roman? How could he just be okay with lying to Roman about who he was? Why did he have to be stuck with this body? Why couldn't he feel comfortable in his own skin like everyone else?_

As soon as Virgil was certain he'd lost Roman and that he was in an isolated place he clutched at his sides, digging his nails into those curves. _Those stupid, stupid curves._ He squeezed his eyes shut, his body shaking with held-back sobs, unable to breathe as he curled up against something solid behind him with tears streaming down his face.

Virgil stopped going out shopping with his mother after that in order to give himself some time to breathe. He’d go back out there again, but for now he just needed a week, or maybe two to hide. To hide his pain, his guilt and the shame he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez it's almost been a full year and for a second there I didn't think I could remember what a second chapter is as only Glass-says out of all my other WIPs has one. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading. -Danielle

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Hey, it's been slightly over a year since I made the A Necklace for Her, But Not for Me posts. Here's the first chapter though. It might be a little hard to balance between this and Glass-says but I've been getting better with posting again so hopefully I'll be able to keep them up. I don't know everything about Dysphoria since I'm a cis female, but I've done lots of research and had my friend help me with a few things so if updates do seem to take time it's because my confidence level with this sort of thing isn't the best. If there's anything making anyone uncomfortable that you feel I'm not representing right or have any concerns with whether it's in this chapter or future ones please let me know so that I can make edits. I'm still learning. Anyways thanks for reading! -Danielle


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